Nancy Lauzon’s Guide to Flirting

I’m so excited to have Nancy Lauzon with me today! This woman is full of humor and is just an all around blast to be around. So, let me not keep you from her humor any longer. Nancy is going to give us some tips on flirting. Take it away Nancy…

Flirting or coquetry – a social and sometimes sexual activity involving verbal or written communication as well as body language by one person to another, suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship

I was surprised to discover that the WikiHow to do anything website includes a section on ‘How to Flirt’ in 10 easy steps, both via text/chat and in-person. Man, I could have used this information back in high school. I had no brothers, so males were a complete mystery to me. I was pretty stunned when it came to flirting with guys. I didn’t have a real boyfriend until I turned 17. I was shy and awkward around the opposite sex. I knew men were from Mars way before John Gray’s book told me.

So how exactly do you flirt? The first few steps mentioned by WikiHow are no-brainers; even I knew these ones:

Make eye contact, smile and start talking. Then introduce yourself, OR you can choose to remain a mystery, to give your potential suitor a challenge. If he really wants to know who you are, he’ll keep
pursuing you or ask around.

I don’t think I could carry off the mystery woman part. “What’s your name?” he might ask. “Why don’t you guess, big boy?” I’d answer coyly. Sounds stupid. With my luck, the guy would shrug, walk away, and never talk to me again. I think a straight-forward approach is best for most of us, unless you’re Eva Mendez or Uma Thurman.

Next comes the toughest part for me, initiate a conversation. This is where I would usually get tongue- tied. Most of the guys I dated were chatty extroverts for exactly that reason. I can carry the ball pretty well if you toss it to me, just don’t expect me to toss it first. I get very nervous, and my palms sweat.

The next step advises to use body language to communicate your intentions. This includes an ‘open’ stance, facing the person, touching the person ‘accidentally’ or ‘casually’, and playing with your
hair. Again, I failed miserably on the body language thing. It always felt too contrived. I could never accidentally brush up against somebody. I’d feel awkward, not to mention uncoordinated.

Compliment the other person – while keeping eye contact, lower your voice seductively and be bold. “I kind of can’t believe I’m getting to know someone as gorgeous and interesting as you. I hope
[other person] knows how lucky she is to be dating you.” OUCH. Really bad writing. Plus this site is now advising you to flirt with someone else’s boyfriend. Wow.

Keep your interactions short and sweet — to gauge interest and build tension.

Close the deal — in other words, try to snaggle a date from Suzy’s boyfriend OR arrange a date with a guy who’s single. Note: Don’t take it too seriously — the best advice on this website. Do yourself a favor, and don’t take any of this shit seriously.

On second thought, maybe I was better off without this information in high school. I think I did pretty well on my own. I’ve been happily married for 33 years to the same guy. And I KNOW I can write funnier, flirtier scenarios than WikiHow. Here are two of my best ones:

From — The Good, the Bad and the Hair — a Chick Dick Mystery:

“Are you saying that we’re in this mess because you have frizzy pink hair?”

I flushed with the knowledge that Cooper had noticed my unusual hair color. “It doesn’t cause the bad luck, it just tells me when it’s going to happen.”

“Like an early warning system?”

“I guess so.”

“Sweet.”

I stopped at a red light at the intersection of South Linden and East Virginia, and turned toward him. I’m not sure what I was going to say, but the words died on my lips when I met his eyes.

“I’ve never met anyone like you,” Cooper said, his swollen mouth curving. His good eye crinkled when he smiled. When he leaned closer my pulse raced and my sweaty hands slipped off the steering wheel.

His kiss was soft and feathery. It was followed by another one, this time a little firmer. His right hand cupped the back of my head as I melted into him and savored his warm lips. He tasted like peppermint.

When I remembered how sore his mouth must be, I pulled back.

“Cooper?”

“What?” he whispered.

I stared at his mouth, and he stared at mine. “Your mouth…it must hurt when you kiss me.”

“It’s worth it.”

From — The Haunting of Haley — a Chick Dick Mystery:

“Cab should be here soon,” the Jimmy Dean look-a-like said. “I’d offer you a lift, but I have to close up, and you probably shouldn’t accept a ride from a guy you don’t know anyway, right?”

“Probably not,” Haley said. “My mother would be disappointed in me. She always told me never to get into a car with strangers.”

“Smart lady.”

She peered through the glass windows. It was raining out. “My Mom’s not around anymore. She died.”

“I’m so sorry.”

Jimmy’s face blurred. He shoved something at her, a hanky. Her cheeks were wet. She didn’t know when her tears had started, but she used Jimmy’s hanky to mop them up. Who even carried handkerchiefs anymore?

“You’re very sweet, thank you.” She twisted the hanky in her fists.

He looked at her as though he wanted to kiss her, but it had to be her imagination. Guys this hot didn’t usually look at her twice. Brody was good-looking, but in a safe, clean-shaven way. Not in a stubbly, dangerous way, like Jimmy, who probably got hit on every night of the week.

Someone once told her she looked like Annie, of Broadway musical fame, wholesome and freckled. Her curls had calmed down a bit, her hair was longer and her freckles had faded, but she still felt like Annie sometimes, especially lately, now that she was an orphan, too.

Jimmy had definitely moved closer. Maybe he felt sorry for her. Tears had that effect on some men. His arms circled her waist, and she didn’t care if it was a sympathy kiss, it would still feel good, she just knew it would, so she didn’t stop him, or tell him she was engaged or anything. When his mouth landed on hers, she linked her arms around his neck and kissed him back. He tasted like peppermint.

The kiss seemed to last forever, or maybe it was because she wanted it to. This man with the smoldering, kind eyes and the old-fashioned handkerchief sure knew his way around a kiss.

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